REGRETS OF THE DYING -临终前五个悔恨
The top five regrets of the dying
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
很多年，我的工作就是照顾那些临终的人。我的病人都是那些回到家里等死的人。因此我能分享他们那些不可思议的临终感受。在他们生命的最后 3 到 12 周的日子里，我会一直照顾他们。
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
当亲身面对自己死去的时候，人们能成长很多很多。我的感受就是，永远不要低估人成长的速度很能力。我见证过很多，非凡的变化。所有的病人，都会经历这一系列的情绪变化，正如我们所料，他们都会不接受，害怕，愤怒，懊悔和自责，以致自欺欺人，然而最终他们都接受了自己将要死亡的事实。所有的病人最后都能安静祥和的离去，所有的都是，无一例外。
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
当被问到他们的生命中有什么遗憾，或是如果可以重来，哪些事情他们会不同的对待。这些病人的回答惊人的相似。以下是五个最普遍的临终悔恨：
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
第一，我希望我有勇气过自己的生活，而不是别人期待我要过的生活。
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
这是天字第一号最普遍的悔恨。在即将死去的时候，回望整个的生命，他们很容易发现自己有那么多的梦想没有实现。大多数的病人发现他们甚至没有尝试追求半数的梦想。直到要死了，他们才明白这是因为他们曾经错误的选择或是错误的不选择。
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
哪怕只是梦想的一部分，也要去追求，因为这对于你生命很重要。当健康失去的时候，一切都太迟了。健康意味着的自由，很少人会在意。直到失去了健康，一切真的都太迟了。
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
第二，我希望我不那么拼命的工作。
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
这是我所有男性病人的共同悔恨。他们错过了孩子的童年和爱人的陪伴。也有一些女性病人提到过这点。可能由于是时代的关系，大多说的女性病人，都是家庭主妇。所有的男性病人都后悔浪费了太多的生命在工作上。
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
放弃那些你不需要的东西吧，过简单的生活，做清醒的选择。选择那些符合你生活方式的事情，这样你将有更大的生命空间，更幸福的生活，更多的机会。
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
第三，我希望我有足够的勇气表达自己的感受。
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
太多的人克制自己的感受，以求给别人更大的空间。结果，他们因此流于平庸，永远没有机会成为他们有能力成为的人。很多疾病是对生活的不满和痛苦造成的。
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
我们无法控制别人的反应。然而我们却能诚实的表达自我，一开始可能会给别人带来不快，但是，最终真实带给我们的是一个全新的健康的人际关系。不然，真实就帮我们祛除了不好的关系。所以，无论是为了得到好的关系还是为了祛除坏的关系，我们都要真实的表达自我。
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
第四，我希望我有一直和朋友们保持联系。
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
人们经常的忽视老朋友的价值，直到行将死去的时候，再想起老朋友，有的已经难觅踪影了。太多人只关注自己的生活，任最好的友情在岁月里尘封。有太多的悔恨，没有在友情上花足够的时间和精力。多有临死的人都深深的思念着朋友。
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
生活匆忙的人，太容易忽视友情。当你面对死亡的时候，有形的生活消失了。如果可能，临终的人都想处理好自己的财产。不是在乎金钱和名誉，而是想为他爱的人做点事情。很多时候，病人在病入膏肓，身心疲惫的时候处理此事。生命的终点，全是关于爱和关系的。爱和关系，病人的最后一周只会考虑这两样东西。
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
第五，我希望我能生活的更快乐。
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
这是另一个惊人的共同悔恨。很多人直到死才明白，快乐原来也是一种选择。人们通常因循守旧，固步自封，害怕改变，自欺欺人。但是，伪善的背后却是内心深处对真性情的深深渴望，但往往只是渴望，直到临终前才从渴望中醒来。
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
当你躺在临终的床上，你才会意识到，别人怎么看你，是那么不值一提。生命的精彩在于你还有机会，放下一切，会心的微笑。在临终以前，很早很早，就抓住你的生命吧。
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
生命就是一种选择。生命是你的。要清醒的选择，聪明的选择，真实的选择。选择快乐。
